26. It's Not All Roses

1. To be honest, I have had a great semester and I have been reflecting on that quite a bit recently.  Coming from the semester before where my truck burned down, I applied to several extra-curricular organizations and was denied to all of them, I was not performing as well as I wanted in school, I was still quite defeated on a personal level from losing my election the August before, and basically I just did not know what I wanted to do with my life.  All of these factors combined together and forced me to reevaluate where I was.  So, to be frank, I know that I was in a very deep rut personally last semester and have been very successful at digging myself out.  Because I feel that I am doing much better physically, emotionally, and mentally, I hate to call anything that happened this semester failures.  Last semester, I probably would have have a whole book to write, but now all of that seems meaningless because of my current success.

For the sake not using the word failure, we'll use setbacks as my perception of things happening currently.  For starters, there is one class that I feel that I am doing great in, but the professor is on a different wavelength.  Considering that every grade we have is subjective, it has bothered me that he is not giving me the grades I feel I deserve.  I will not name any names, but the class is Political Behavior.  Every essay that I have gotten back has been below expectation, one B and the rest A-'s.  The A-'s bother me more than the B because it really shows an intolerance on his part to score me in the upper bracket.  There is something always that does not meet his standards with my writing and it has become infuriating.  I hope to have this issue resolved by the end of the week though.

The next biggest thing, and probably the only other thing that comes to mind, is not receiving another campaign management position that I applied for.  It really is not a big deal because I already have one that I am working, but with this one I was offered the Deputy Campaign Manager position unpaid.  That too has gotten to me a little bit because it is like, well, I was almost to the paid position that I know I have the skills to complete successfully.  Also, for the candidate to even offer me that position, it shows that he too recognizes my ability to perform better than all but one of the other applicants.  I let God allow everything to sort itself out though, so I am not worried about this in the long run.

2.  From these experiences, I have gained a greater sense of humility.  However, I think that this is a very tacky response to how I learned from failure.  Everyone says that as the first thing, so it really has become a mute point.  In reality, I think that I have gained a greater motivation to keep going with these setbacks.  I have realized that in some instances these setbacks are put in front of me on purpose to allow to find the perfect avenue that I need to take.  I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason even if I do not quite understand why that is.  With that being said, I have learned to trust the process and build a patience around trying to get ahead.  I have also been working on my ability to be persistent and work to ensure I get what I want.  This has been a common theme in all of the books that I have read.  Those people who were persistent got what they wanted and were able to make a lasting difference.  It isn't even about the fame and fortune, but the ability to do what you know is right.

3. Both of my parents are not risk-takers at all.  In fact, in a conversation that I just had with them, they both said that I have become a shyster who is always looking for the next thing to expand into and become.  Just growing up in a middle-class family, I have had a great childhood.  I have always had security, and have never struggled for much.  However, I see that working for someone in a 9-5 job just isn't fulfilling for me.  They probably chose that because it was the most secure for their family.  I know that my mom fears that I will not use my degree because she has a degree in Criminal Justice but is an elementary teacher.  All of these factors are things that I think about frequently.  After that rant, the root of my argument is that all of these failures are not failures, but experience to keep driving forward and working towards my goals.  I cannot set myself fall behind on my big goals because of a few setbacks.  That is probably the biggest of my takeaway from all of this.