16. You NEVER Truly "Know" Yourself

Part 1: Let me start of by getting a little philosophical with all of you.  I think that it is hard to understand yourself until you look back on your life at an old age.  We as humans are constantly changing and becoming a new person, one that is foreign to our previous forms.  I came this realization after reading the Steve Jobs novel where we did not start about until he was close to 30 years old.  That is 10 years older than me.  He tried to find himself, and even lived in his veil of deception into late in his life.  He recalled events differently than everyone else and was not something that he was always proud of.  These are natural feelings as humans which is why I hate to put myself on a pedestal with this assignment.  I literally know very little about myself and there are people in my lives who have known me before my memories allow me to remember myself.  Even these individuals only know about 19 years of my story.  Realistically, I only know maybe 13-14 years.  If I live for 85 years, I only know about 15% of my development, life, story, and human capital.

With my point made, let me begin to try to describe my human capital:

1. I think that my presence is unique in a room.  I have always been a very enthusiastic person.  If you have been in class with me, you know that I laugh and smile a lot.  I see people who use this as an act, but I genuinely find that I am just happy to be around other people.  It is hard to articulate, but I like seeing joy and humor in most situations.  I remember the night my car burned down the fireman said to me, "We don't suspect foul play".  I quickly responded with, "Well, I hope not, I just put in a new sound system" and I laughed.  Other emotions were displayed that night, but in that moment, it felt most appropriate to laugh about something.  I don't consider this optimism because I am very pessimistic, but maybe I display myself in a satirist fashion.

2. Everything I do in life, I think I display a larger than life presence.  There are many times that I think this world is much smaller than it actually is.  Frequently, I think people try to pull me back to reality, but I truly think rationality has destroyed our evolutionary development.  I have such an idealism that I have had since I was a kid.  I knew in 5th grade that I wanted to be THE President of the United States.  Most people give up on dreams like that by probably the end of middle school beginning of high school.  I ask myself frequently why I did not give up on that dream.  I think that part of it is my faith in God providing for me in life.  However, I also think that it is because I have a why not attitude.  Even if it doesn't happen, I can die trying and build myself into something else just as respectable.

3. There are times that I think I am too cold and withdrawn especially in situations that require empathy.  Maybe its because I have not had to deal with any form of traumatic experience in my life (i.e. losing a close family member) or it is because I don't like being in a state that require the use of that range of emotions.  I do not know if this is an pro or con in terms of attributes, but I find it interesting.  I can see where this could be to my benefit, but I could also see where this hurts my relationships with my peers.  I would have to ask other people if they see this in me as well.

4. I feel like I have undiagnosed ADHD.  This is in no way to be taking as insulting towards those who are diagnosed, but I find that I cannot clearly remain on a certain task.  This has proven to my benefit because I can show creativity in many different ways.  If anyone were to see how I work, I truly think they would be confused.  I hardly work on assignments in one piece without getting sidetracked by something much less important.  I could be writing an email to go out to an entire list, but if I want to develop a nice graphic that will pair with it, I will stop everything to pursue that next task.  Until, like all other work I do, I get frustrated.  I will quit something temporarily if it does not meet my standards in that moment.  This mostly results in forcing my concentration under the stress of procrastination, but I cannot work in any other way.  There are times when I have hyper-focus and ignore everything around me and times, I don't have any.  I do not know if it is my idealism or lack of focus, but it definitely affects my work habits.

5. Finally, I think that I am an old soul that is stuck in this young body.  Something I came up with while listening to AC/DC and Metallica  Dr. Pryor mentioned this on the first day I was in class, but I have always looked at myself this way as well.  I find it hard to identify with contemporary culture because of my love and appreciation for what was in the past.  Even in my previous post I have complained about America losing its coolness and ability to do awesome things the rest of the world wishes they could have.  My entire life I have found myself more able to connect with the adults around me than those my age.  I do not know what the root of this is, but I know its creates bias on how I think and connect with people.  I need to either find how that personality trait is useful our society or find a way to drop it.  I have always acted much older than I am, but as someone once told me, my skills are not their yet.  They are 100% right when they say that.  How do I get the two to interact and work harmoniously with each other.

Part 2: Link to Interviews: https://soundcloud.com/nicholas-lahera/sets/ent-3003-assignment-16

Interview #1 (https://soundcloud.com/nicholas-lahera/interview-1-my-grandmother)  My first interview was with my grandmother who will always have everything nice to say about you.  However, in reality, if there is anyone who knows me it is this wonderful women who I call my grandmother.  After I was born and my parents went back to work she raised me until I went to preschool.  Even since then she has been my rock and the one that I turn to in difficult situations.  I know that she wants to see me to my best in this world and do things that she would have never imagined could be done by someone stemming from her and her family as Italian immigrants.

Interview #2 (https://soundcloud.com/nicholas-lahera/interview-2-my-mother): While on the phone with my grandmother, I did an interview with my mom, another person who knows me the best.  This interview is funny because I think that our personalities are very similar in that we can fight and be stubborn for causes that we believe are critical.  With that being said, I think that she had been honest to me my entire life even if I do not want to hear the truth which is why I value her opinion so greatly.

Interview #3 (https://soundcloud.com/nicholas-lahera/interview-3):  This was from someone who I have only known for about a year and a half, but I have developed such a bond with them that I feel they could accurately describe me.  He is an entrepreneur who I have been following and working with for the past year and a half.  He has given me a lot of advice and watched me mature, grow, and develop on the campaign trail.  He wanted to add a comment to his interview about how I always listen to those older than me for their wealth of knowledge so that I can continue to expand my skills.

Interview #4 (https://soundcloud.com/nicholas-lahera/interview-4-commissioner-jimmie-t-smith):  I have worked with Jimmie for 5 years and started as a Messenger in Tallahassee for him, then as an intern in his office, later as a youth coordinator for this 2016 campaign, and now his campaign manager for 2020.  He too has had the opportunity for me to work with my human capital and master its abilities when dealing with government officials and the general public.  I have developed a deep bond with him, and we have a great understanding of each other at this point which is why I selected him.

Interview #5 (https://soundcloud.com/nicholas-lahera/interview-5-my-father):  Not because I thought about him last minute, but because he has been busy, I used my dad as my last interview.  He mentions that we have not gotten along in terms of politics, but I have persuaded him and now we still have discussions with critical thinking.  He has helped me expand my human capital through his abilities in how competent he is with his hands.  I have worked with him as we fix cars, renovate portions of the house, do garage doors, and many other tasks.  I have learned a lot from him and he too has really added to my capabilities as an individual.

Part 3: There are parts of their lists that I think are very accurate and then there I things that I do not view myself as.  I am glad that people see the attributes that they mentioned because they are very noble, but I don't know they seem very idealistic and place me on some sort of pedestal.  As much as I like the spotlight, I do like to have some level of realism when it comes to how I regard myself.  With that being said, I am always growing and want to try to remain humble.  If that is how they see me great, it means that I am striving and working on where I need to be later in life.  I do not want to let what they said affect me in any way.  That is how ego develops and that is something that is hard to get rid of once established.  I have seen it develop in people and I think that is not true happiness or satisfaction in ones self.  All that does is set you up for a greater, INEVITABLE failure.  The similarities that I can appreciate was my ability to work under pressure, my kind nature towards others, and my want to learn and grow.  If we are not trying to learn and grow at every stage of our life, we are letting the American Dream die and allowing evolution to come to a halt.